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Machiavelli has nothing on this girl |
Oh, before I continue the story of my
training let me talk about…well, my training. But this is the “how to feed your
child” training. The cottage
people (kind of like the village people) told me that it is important to get
the baby adjusted to our bottles before we bring them home. So I am supposed to take the milk out of
the hospital bottle and pour it into my new fangled Avent bottle. Now the first day I tried this I brought
a fast flow bottle top. I had read
in other people’s adoption journals that the kids are fed really fast in
the babyhouses and that they get upset with food coming too slowly. Hence, the fast flow top. Well, that was not a success. Poor Annabelle had milk coming out her
ears practically and certainly more was overflowing from her mouth than making
it into her belly. It soaked her
footed sleeper too. All in all, not
a success. So today I took a slow
flow top. It didn’t work much
better. She doesn’t drool at
all with the babyhouse bottle, but with these newfangled things, it’s
coming out everywhere. But I guess
that’s why I’m trying to get her to adjust, right?
But
let us return to the main story….
….
So I stuck the bottle in her mouth (after transferring it to the avent bottle).
Anyway, she was fine. She’s getting what she wants which is food and
attention at the same time. Oh, how
sweet I think as her little fingers grab my little finger.
* note all the
violations of proper baby set up according to US standards. We aren’t supposed
to use a quilt, we aren’t supposed to use pillows…. Somehow these
kids survive just fine!
What
I didn’t realize is that she was preparing me to be wrapped around HER
little finger, not the other way around.
The
middle part of the visit was fine, except, note to self: don’t fly until
child has been burped. Particularly don’t do the kind of flying where the
baby is directly on top of the mama looking downward before burping the child.
All kinds of grossness can happen.
Particularly pay attention to this note when water in mama’s
apartment has been out for 24 hours therefore allowing no showers to be taken
or laundry done.
Anyway,
towards the end of the visit, she was getting very sleepy as I danced around
with her on my hip. So I went to lay
her down in her crib. The minute I
laid her down, the lesson began.
This quiet, meek little girl started to fuss, squirm and her face turned
red and you could practically see the explosion working its way up from her
toes til it reached her mouth and then burst free, like a water from a
main…. WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! SCEEEECCCHHHH! WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
* It’s
hard to tell actually but this is the very beginning of the wailing and
gnashing of teeth.
I
got worried. This kid has never cried with me. She must be sick. She must need burping,
she must have something wrong.
Wrong. I bend down and pick
her up and a smile is on her face before she clears the crib bars and she wraps
her chubby little arm around my neck and settles down. Hmmm. I think. Well, I guess the stomachache
passed. So I lay her down
again. And the steam engine
explosion happens again.
WAAAAAAAHHHHHH. I pick
her up. Smiles galore, even a bit of a happy laugh. Put down. WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.
And
of course, after the third or fourth time, it finally sinks in that she’s
realized the crib has become second best to the funny lady in motion. Why should I be surprised –
she’s a genius kid after all. It took her exactly 8 days to figure out
that she doesn’t need to speak to rule her world. Kings and queens will bow before her
crying.
And
of course, I don’t want the caregivers to think that I’m a bad
mother with a crying child so I lean down and pick her up. Which is exactly what my little
Machiavellian child counted on.
Dare I admit that she giggled.
Gleefully. Evilly.
It
was with a bowed head that I slunk out of Room#4 today. I am a changed woman. I am no longer
free. My will is no longer my
own. I have become a slave to an
impatient, intolerant, and very loud human being. I exist only for her pleasure and hers
alone.
(*set
scene: woman looking like Macbeth
witches with unkempt hair and grizzled demeanor sounds the following words,
with a background deep gong sounding here to emphasize dramatic effect*)
“Let this
serve as a warning for all who hope to follow in my footsteps…”
Okay,
so much for the drama. However, I’m
still without water after a day and a half. It’s starting to get scary. But I have electricity. All in all, if I had a choice though
I’d take water over electricity.
You can always use candles instead of lights, but what do you do when
the toilet cistern is empty, I ask?
But fear not for me, Gentle readers. With lack of essential services,
I’m on familiar ground.
I’ve done
Hmmm,
maybe I’m watching a little too much Buffy the Vampire slayer in the
afternoons……
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