Hollywood Calls….

If you’ve been reading this journal for awhile, you know all about “The Plan”. The Plan involves Annabelle becoming self-supporting by age 2 and supporting her family (mainly me) by age 3. This is so I can do useful and charitable things like 1) buy prada and then wear it once and give it to a consignment shop so some poor woman who can’t afford new prada can wear it, 2) keep the magazine publishers in business by subscribing to Allure, Instyle, People, W, Cosmo, etc., 3) donate my time to charitable causes like attending fancy dress balls that somehow are supposed to help the poor, the hungry, abused women, baby seals or whatever. That way too I’ll help sell newspapers (keeping working stiffs employed) when I appear in the society pages.

I’ve explained this to Annabelle and she’s definitely on board. So to that end, since we’ve been whiling away our time in Kokshetau, Annabelle has been working the room, so to speak. She’s been putting out a lot of feelers to the Hollywood crowd since (being the brilliant child she is) she already realized that in the American way, being trashy and stupid, will get you richer a lot faster than hard work.

So Welcome to the Hollywood Edition journal entry.

Now I had the idea that just Annabelle would go out earning the money, since she’s so cute. My main thought was for her to be a spokesmodel, like Sandie, from LA Story. (here is a sample of her work from her portfolio – we have to work on her reading soon since she clearly doesn’t know which way is up on this particular product)

But Annabelle, showing her shrewd business sense, realized that as a mother-daughter team, we could go after the greats who have come before us: The Hiltons and the Gastineaus. So she pitched MTV on the idea of the Mericle Girls: A Journey from adoption to competition.

Of course, one of the things we’ve had to talk about is plastic Surgery. I mean, come on, no one is natural in Hollywood any more. And Annabelle especially has some areas to correct. First of all, there’s the neck fat. Not only is this unsightly but it traps the remnants of her meals, leaving her with a miasma of sour milk smell. It will have to go.

As will the double chin

Then there is her politely-called “Buddha belly”.

Now that chubby baby stuff may fly in the rest of the world, but in Hollywood, she needs a flat belly. We’re debating whether the right results can be reached with only a colon irrigation series of treatments or whether we need the full tummy tuck.

Annabelle is also looking into the rap mogul world. She seems to think she’ll fit in well and to give her credit, she points out that being chubby won’t hurt her in the rap world. Here she is trying out that look. (she also points out that it doesn’t matter if she can’t talk or sing since no one can understand rap anyway). All excellent points.

Well, we just wanted to let you know how The Plan is progressing. If we don’t see you soon, don’t bother calling because we’ll just be too damn famous to remember the little people. Oh, gotta go, I see Kathy Hilton is calling me.

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